Summer

Summer for teachers is a necessary evil for me. I am not good with unstructured time and I feel very burned out. The unstructred time leaves me with too much time to think about my losses. I got great correspondance and praise from students over the year, so for that I am thankful; but now, I am left to my own devices. I am alone thinking of summers that I used to spend with Billy and now I am alone in my apartment thinking of times I used to spend with Billy. A little repetitive yes, healing, no. Today was a "school day" developing curriculum and using my time to create a new plan. My brain was not working today and my curriculum partner and I were hashing out old plans and seeing what worked and what didn't. It went well, but again, my brain is just not working. I'm alone on this wierd island (sorry for the awful cliche) but alone nonetheless. I feel awkard in a crowd, so of course, I am awkward in a workshop. It feels like I am on the outside of a glass restaurant looking in at all the people eating and enjoying their company and their meals. This summer should be a time for growth. We'll see how it goes.

The End of the Year

The end of the year for teachers begins in June. That doesn't mean we don't work over the summer; on the contrary, many of us have second jobs, tutor, or write curriculum all summer. Most people think that teachers don't work over the summer. Simply wrong. We do. I will be writing curriculum, revising curriculum and reading about curriculum all summer. I am looking forward to these new endeavors, but I have more things I would like to accomplish. I want to read more. My concentration has been "off" since Billy died. Reading and writing is now very hard for me. It is almost as if I have ADD and everything just takes a little longer. I used to be very "quick" with my thinking, reading and writing. But now, language can sometimes escape me. I often am at a loss for the right word. This seems to be a product of grief. People don't understand how I could be grieving for so long, but I lost the best my very best friend in the world and that is the sad reality. SO, this summer will be devoted to reading, writing, getting my thinking stamina back and continuing on with my technology pursuits in education.